FRANK GARMAN IS A WRITER
FRANK IS MISSING - PLEASE READ!
Our dear friend Frank Garman has been missing since 12th August 2011. He was last seen around midnight outside The Cross Keys Pub, 31 Endell Street, Covent Garden, London, WC2H 9BA. He was wearing a green shell suit jacket, jeans, sunglasses and a pork pie hat. He is also often seen smoking a small pipe.
If you have any information that could help us to find Frank, or you think you might have seen him somewhere, please click the link below and contact The Green Hill Publishing Co.
Or you can email:
ILLITERARY PORTFOLIO
Frank Garman is a writer and also a bit of a cock. I know this because I have to spend every bloody day with him. I am him. He inhabits my bloated, contemptable carcass and defiles my mind every second of every day.
Regardless, I somehow manage to tolerate his existence long enough to let him write incoherent babble and soul crushing fictional stories that nobody will ever read.
The end result - not so much a portfolio of literary excellence. More a collection of mismatched ravings from a delinquent lunatic, intent on inflicting his nihilistic existential melodrama on an apathetic world.
You probably stopped reading in the last paragraph. But just in case you didn't, and for some perverse reason you actually want to read a novel I wrote with my stubby little fingers, then you can buy a copy of my first book Indelicate Virtues. I will then photocopy it at my local newsagent, glue it all together, and lob it at my postman with vindictive antipathy.
Why not give it a go? Worst case scenario - you get a decent supply of roach paper. Or maybe a wicked glue high? Either way, you're probably not even reading this, which means I'm just writing to myself again. Good one Frank - you absolute twat.
F.G.
Frank says:
"YOU WANT A QUOTE? BOLLOCKS. THERE'S A QUOTE. AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT. OR NOT. I DON'T REALLY CARE."
CONTACT
If you really feel the need to disturb me, you can do it here. Just try not to be a dick about it.
